thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
