Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
