I wish my penis had an off switch
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
