And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
