dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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