the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
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Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
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I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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