Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
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