just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
