What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
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He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
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I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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