you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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