no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
