i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
