At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
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