My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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