Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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