dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
