took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
