i already hear my dad disowning me
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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