so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
