Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
