He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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