Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
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