An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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