But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
