is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
