like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
