I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
