Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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