How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
