I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I love you.
Bad choice
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