just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
there is puke in my bra ... again
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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