Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
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this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
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I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize