Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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