Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
