Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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