In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
