Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
