I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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