I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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