yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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