Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
