my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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