I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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