Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
