You made me cry and you don't even care
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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