I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Randomize
