I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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