so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
