That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I need a burrito and a hug.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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