I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
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