This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Randomize
