Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
