When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
