I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
So many bounce houses so little time
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
