They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
