hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Randomize
