Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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