I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
