do you believe in love at first sight?
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
i just sent this text using only my big toe
He went soft
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
25 People Admit the Worst Things They’ve Done for Good Reasons
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
25 Things All Men Can Definitely Agree On
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.