at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
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You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
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You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.