He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro