We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy