Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
