The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
