Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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