ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
